Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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