the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
