Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
