you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize