You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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