you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
