this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
