In the future we'll all be gay
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
