you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
