he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
