If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
