I will die if light touches me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
