I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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