i think my mom watched the whole time
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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