We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
