I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
