my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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