he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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