doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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