True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i need some magic done to my vagina
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
