My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize