I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
