He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
