Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
