then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
