We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
