wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's great music for shaving your balls
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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