It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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