i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
