so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
