do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
