quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
