thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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