how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
