I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
