I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
