That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
