this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
