Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
