I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
