i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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