I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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