So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
