You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize