I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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