hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
