Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
