just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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