I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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