I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
