does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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