Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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