sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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