i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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