this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
