my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
