I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
