First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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