I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
