I think my vagina is haunted
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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