it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
