My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize