Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
