is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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