he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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