He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize