Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
