i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
