What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
