Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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