State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
