Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
