Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
